Thursday, February 18, 2010

Flaw #5: Cowardice

i'm a coward not a fighter, disguised as a lover-This Providence...i am a #@%%^@! pussy and i deserve everything that i go through...because i put myself there in the 1st place because i can't speak up, or do something about it before hand or in while...i'm terrible at taking the spontaneous initiative! i always have to think things threw and make sure i dont mess up cause im so scared of....of what?! and even after thinking through things i mostly dont go through with it anyway because of fear...just so much discourages me, like loosing friends, loosing these feelings...the bottom line is i am so scared of change and i hate change so much that, i'm always scared things are gonna change for the worst from my actions, maybe it's that i'm so lazy i dont want anything to change and become hard for me....i hate the hassle i hate to be in more pain that could have been i scare myself into...not living!!! how can someone live worry about so much all the time in the bible it says not to worry at all, and def not to be afraid , but why cant i just start a fight, maybe i care to much about hurting a person, that a scare myself into not doing anything that would offend them, why cant i be as bold, only in love am i that bold...bold as love...but im not in love right now, im just a scared pussy trying not to mess up a good thing while letting everything i want to rele rele have slip away, right threw my fingers, its all here for the taking right in front of me but i constantly back out....maybe its just all the other factors and complications and problems that send my head for a spin just thinking about them....yea they hold the biggest threat ...therefore i am most afraid of no more running, its what im hoping for, no more running-Animal Collective, i'm a mess, God give me boldness and bless me with your favor! - destroy this flaw of fear, till next time- peace and love

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