Thursday, February 18, 2010

Flaw #3: Addiction

this is my biggest flaw, it honestly defines my entire personality ,i am an addict, addiction basically sums up my life rele quick, every thing i rele like i become addicted to...anything i convince myself i "love" i become addicted to, which i guess can also be a good thing in some ways,but for the most part not really, take video games for instance, or comics or soccer, all of these thing are hobbies that i love ,but i become addicted to them and i try to fill all my time up with them, and thats just so wrong, i should rele only be that in love with God! so i thank God everyday for his forgiveness and mercy ,and that He had my life and my personality planned out before i was even created, because if i wasnt so rooted in the Word, if i didnt obey my parents, i would be such a junkie mess,but as i stand i dont smoke, dont drink, dont do drugs, dont have sex, what i am saying here is i dont do any of those things ,and not because i know i'd get addicted to them ,but because the Word says not to, it wasnt till recently that i realized this addiction problem and now i know if i were to ever pick up any of those things i'd get so addicted, i just know it, so i stay far away from those things, and this problem go so much deeper, i just obsess about things, even with relationships, when i feel something(emotionally) and i say to myself "ooo i like that", then i say i want more ,then i need more and then before u know it im addicted to a @%!^@^$! emotion!, the worst is when i get addicted to something i dont have, like being so addicted to a drug but not being able to get a fix, u will put yourself through anything, any kind of pain to get that fix, u just need it, another terrible thing is when i get so addicted to something, maybe even an idea , i again trick myself into perusing something i think i want , that i think i need but i dont rele at all this is definitely how all my dumb hallucinations start 2,i end up being like i gotta have it, i gotta have it but i dont even fully know what it is, but i dont care, i need it, then i realize i might have messed up and then i hit all kinds of indecision! one of the biggest addictions for me , that i try my best to stay away from, not only being a man, but just in my own personal matteo nature is sex, i havent ever had sex before but i still obsess about it, its one of the things i always think about, im a freak, sex was definitely one of the things i was made for, i have this sexually prone brain, and it constantly messes with me,always participating in course joking, always having unclean thoughts, constantly obsessing about sex, and when ur so addicted to all these girls, and emotions, and sex, that u somehow still refuse to have, it hurts so bad it eats away at ur heart and soul everyday! tonight i really dont find myself in an addictive state of mind ,but rele i know i am, i am desiring so much right now, and its such a killer because i cant have it! what a flaw, what a flaw, till next time-peace and love

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