Classic.

breast-i-i mean best thread u'll ever read on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&story_fbid=310216432715&id=100000571205561

that rele brightened my night up a bit 2 haha
never mind terry erased it,and i seriously just lost what little respect i had for terry younger

On Mute

so i think i have laryngitis which rele sucks, especially today, idk what it is but im a mess on the inside, and i know i've been posting this so much on all of my blogs but its a part of life im goin through right now,it's crazy how u seriously cannot trust your own feelings, but we do it anyway just to satisfy the urge...anywayss i havent been able to frickin speak all day long, not a single word, the only way i got by is by whispering and that sucked, the whole day sucked, tons of ppl asked me tons of questions today and i couldnt answer them, sooooo frustrating, this is like one of the worst patience tests ever, i could only answer to my self in my mind, the bottom line is when u cant talk all u have is you and yourself to talk to, i just had to much thinking time to myself and basically im making my self more crazy,all day i've been thinkin about what i've been posting about recently, thinking to the point of pain, which is not like the new me, very much like the old me tho, like i took a few steps backwards, like i havent cried in who knows how long, but tonight man i'm just a wreck, i just think of it like this tho,i'm just hitting a rough patch right now,slipping so to speak, just imagine never ever even laying down romantically with a girl , for 20 years, it bothers u every now and then, just not having anyone, not having someone all ur life and watchin the ones u want slip by,its gotta be one of the worst feelings ever...wow i just realized that im rele just a broken man, broken so many times, that even the little things chip away at me in big chunks, i mean i know what heart break feels like and for no apparent reason i feel some of it right now...just like i got barley half a heart holding on for dear life, and i wanna just scream but i dont even have a #$@Q%#@! voice to do that! i've been crying out to God this whole day too, just for help and joy, patience and understanding, most of all love, thats what i always used to do and He helps me so much with that, but i always look back and i see the problem still isnt fixed, this probelm i've been dealing with my entire life, this problem i've asked him to fix my whole life, and i dont blame him at all , i know he will answer my prayers eventually, in his time, i just blame myself sometimes for not being strong enough, i'll just say it again i am soooo emotionally unstable, damn this went so sour, sorry again for being sooooo depressing i was thinking about a bunch of other stuff 2 today some more depressing like where is my life goin and what am i doin...and nothin rele fun or happy hahaha so sad but this is the man behind the mask after all lol until my next complete meltdown, peace and love

Adam

A few weeks ago I made up this saying, eventually every man wakes up wondering why he is waking up alone, well tonight on valentines night I'm wondering basically the same....why am I goin to bed alone...I hate being like this, right now i can only compare this feeling to the feeling adam had in the garden of eden, when God saw that man was lonely, so he put him to sleep, and took out one of his ribs, and made woman so that man wouldn't be lonely any more...that is the exact feeling i am currently experiencing...God take my rib and give me back the perfect woman.

Valentines Day

so valentines day has come and gone again...and one thing that hit me today and has been hitting me like weeks before this is that i need a girl hahaha this rele doesnt have anything to do with anything that happened today but the idea of valentines day got me thinkin again, i just keep finding my self just longing and longing for these emotions, thats right u heard me right im not talking about sex at all here... usually i could def just say i need a girl because i wanna have sex so bad, but this is completely different lately, all i long for from a girl is comfort, affection, some one to always count on,lately i just cant stand being alone, i just dont wanna be alone anymore i get rele sad, and i straight up am constantly lusting for emotions! i just want someone to hold, some one to tell "i love you" , and to finally have a girl that actually fully loves me back, i dream about what that will be like cause i have never had it, not 1 girl has ever fully loved me, its gotta be the best feeling ever and speaking of things i've never had...i have never hand any of this, never had anyone to cuddle with and feel secure with them in my arms, never and it hurts, it is one of the greatest longings of my heart, and lately i just dont feel like waiting for this anymore , i pretty much need it now, the problem is i cant find THE girl. and i mean of course after all this i still want to get some sexin 2 but seriously what im getting at right here blows sex away! i just gotta pray that God will send me this perfect girl that satisfies all these emotional needs that i have right now haha i know i sound like such a girl right now but, its legit, i cant get these thoughts out of my head, i have become a love/emotion whore and i need it....anyways besides that i went to universal parks today with heather joseph, benny vicky, max joanna , and amy was my valentine! my very 1st real valentine ever! idk if she knew that but she was, and a pretty darn good one at that lol we had a bunch of fun , i went on my 1st roller coaster ever!!! then i ended up goin on a ton more! but the hulk , the mummy, spiderman and this new roller coaster at universal , i think it was called the rocket, where the best rides, especially that last one! spent a lot of money but it was all worth it, went on a couple water rides which was a terrible idea because it was freezing out sooooo in the long run i ended up completely loosing my voice and pretty much getting sick all over again, the main problem was i only got 4 hours of sleep last night then put my body through hell all day lol what a mess haha ,anyway it was a rele successful v-day, and the new universal roller coaster was so sick, in fact it was so crazy that still at this very moment when i sit down i feel like im moving back and forth, wait till i lay down to sleep, im gonna be goin down crazy roller coaster drops in my dreams haha but yea great day , i wish i had my love and i hope u all do to.
peace and love

trying to find our purpose

life is a @%$!@^#@$& funny thing, especially for men, we all go through this life trying to find a purpose, and i'm not talking about what the phrase usually means, recently i've gotten a revelation about what this phrase rele means...what happens is ur born u live a dependent childhood, then u gain freedom in your teenage years but ur still dependent...so once we get to adulthood we relax and stay in this limbo for a lil bit, trying to find out what it is we are "suppose to do with our lives, that is rele what that phrase means, its also where everyone gets confused, its some bull@#$#%! that every one in this world feeds us, even our loving parents, of course i still dont have the answer or i still wouldnt be sitting in my room at 3.15 am typing this !#@@!$, but what im seeing is i could go out and become someone rich and famous have almost everything i wanted in life, or i could work 9-5 everyday for a boss, according to the world this is all doin something with my life, but what i've been thinkin about is i could sit at home and play video games all day, watchin tv, reading books, and that is the same as doin something with my life so where is the line drawn...this is an easy 1 to say but to truly understand is a mess, the line is drawn at God, he is truly all we can and should live for, he is purpose when i die this life will be $!!%!@% over it will all burn, i wont be able to take anything with me except my heart, but even though i know this i still cant !$%!#$@% grasp it, i think of so many different scenarios, and reasons, always asking would that be wrong, would this be harder, dammmmnn it, the bottom line is i wanna be that rich and famous person...because somewhere in my @#%$%ed up mind that is a purpose in this life, i feel if i reach that i will have found my purpose, but then i know, i know, i know what i just said and it always comes to haunt me, even if i had my perfect life my purpose would not be found in it, but in God alone!....why does that mean i cant have it tho?!! is it for that very reason, u see what im getting at here, then we get to the planning tons of ppl plan there lives out and even through the ruff patches some make it through and stick to the plan until its either ripped away from them or they succeed, and i feel terrible for the ones who have been and will be ripped from there plans, the bottom line is idk where i was goin with this post, i just know i've "backslid" , and i hate that term but its truly what i've done, i feel empty , and without purpose, and the worst part is i dont want to do anything about it....maaan ever since it all came crashing down, my heart is still in a thousand #@%!%!#$%^ pieces, i have no feelings for anyone right now, but im not alright and i havent been, somethin snapped, these thoughts come through my mind all day, i just ignore and put on smiles until i actually believe it, until its made real, until it all comes out again, when i say im insane i mean it , when i act insane its cause i've been 2#$%!@%!% to many times in this life, and then there is always the positive side of me that says its all good, u shouldnt even type any of that u'll send wrong messages, u'll feel better by tomorrow, u'll forget about all of this by tomorrow...and now i have nothing to say anymore other then i feel bad for the ppl who read this whole thing not only for how long it is but how bout not punctuation or grammar, but this is what really goes through my head allll the time, and this is just 1 topic dont worry there are plenty more,i cant only pray...God help me and all the other people out there with all of this purpose stuff, and i pray that you would give me wealth and prosperity and everything i want out of this life all while i give you all of me, is that wrong?, idk it feels wrong when i put it together, but God you know your ultimately number 1 in my life no matter what...idk...eh what a mess
-peace,love, and amen

AVATAR

so i just saw avatar for the 3rd time!! haha i also saw it for the 1st time in imax which was awesome! so i just had to get on here and blog about this movie cause lets face it, its one of the best if not the best movie of all time haha. the other day somebody asked me would u rather have jessica alba or go live in hometree and i honestly have to say i would choose hometree over not only alba but anything on this whole planet except Jesus...no lie i wish i had that choice, i wish that tomorrow i was taking a 9 or 5 year (how ever long it was) space trip to pandora and then all the events of that movie played out in my life haha no lie...james cameron has pretty much ruined my life because this life just sucks compared to that one, and the worst part is none of it is or will ever be real...at least not in this life, its not like any of that could ever happen to any of us...1 of the best things about this movie is just exploring this whole new world filled with so many new and very different things, i mean sure we have a moon to look at, at night time but imagine if the was another planet we could see in the sky too, all those awesome creatures and how they all connect, just such a fascinating idea, another best part of the movie is the whole flying thing, i wanna fly like that so bad, its hands down the best part of the movie. another amazing part of the movie is the neytiri character...at least i can try to find some girl on this planet that is some what like her...the character herself is just awesome but what gets me is how alien she is, that she knows nothing of human culture or anything like that and that shes like all beastly haha those are 2 crazy qualities that would be almost impossible to find in anyone...but i bet i can find someone close to that lol i just love her innocence to our world, and in general. her love for her people and planet. idk im such a contradicting person i want nothing more to have a girl that is soooo innocent but at the same time isnt( i guess in only a sexual way haha) idk the whole romance part of the movie just makes me wish i had that same scenario in my life...but life never seems to be like that, maybe if there is just some hot girl out there that thinks exactly like me, that would help a lot lol speaking of romance i didnt really cry at any romantic scenes in this movie but let me tell u all 3 times i saw this movie i teared up around 4 times. it just doesnt get old, its crazy, when they cut down hometree, when neytiri's dad dies, when sully gives his speech, when all the ppl are dying in war,when eywa has heard you, when neytiri saves jake at the end( i guess that was a romantic one haha) but yea james cameron...titanic...need i say more, dang i sound like such a chick right now, but i have no shame, this is honestly how this movie makes me feel, every time i've walked out of the theater i just dont want my mind to leave all that is pandora, i just want think on it for as long as i possibly can haha not to mention how awesome the 3-d is and how it adds so much to the movie and how amazing those cgi graphics are, half of the whole movie isnt even real, lol and all the quotes me and my friends use from this move just to be funny lol, im thinking about goin to see it one last time before its out of the theaters and 3-d forever. but i tell u what if i ever know that im gonna die soon, after i read a deadpool comic, eat some of my favorite foods, say bye to all my family and friends and say a last prayer before i actually go meet the Lord, i wanna be laying in my death bed watching avatar, and at the end when sully opens his eyes, i will close mine and die haha wow yes really, what an epic movie, if u havent seen it, just go right now- peace and love ...and i'm just gonna honestly pray to God that He would give me a woman like just Neytiri

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Fuck...