Wednesday, August 11, 2010

God's life ,not mine

wow how do i describe this ,everything from day one with this person has been amazing i dont believe it was all void, and it was all just to make me into this new man, because there is another breaking point im gonna have to go through if thats true, i say just get over it just suck it up and do it, but wow she is so past special and our time together is what i always want my life to be like, im sure u have met someone that in ur heart u felt wow i could rele be with this person forever, but this is all beside the point God has done something rediculously amazing through all of this, He broke me and has taught me so much, and just changed me, all i want for my life is Him, and i know with her i'll always have Him because she pushes me 2 the next step, i was just goin on livin life puttin so much other things before God, but my view has radically changed, i have honestly given my life to Him its not mine! like what is this life about whats my purpose is it only to get a job and a wife and a family, sounds good but its empty, and i know this because its all been taken away from me, i have nothin and in that i have found Jesus, and the true reason i am on this earth, sure i still want to give my absolute love to this woman, but i know God is cool with that and i know he made all this happen so we can try it all again in His will , and in His way, and i have the revelation of that, He's also just been teaching me to have total trust in Him and i mean real trust and faith, because honestly He is faithful! and He will never bring me into something that doesnt benefit the kingdom! That He will lead me into something great no matter how bad it looks at 1st...right now i feel rele discouraged about all of this tho, i think its cause i let the devil have a foot hold on me, and idk how to get back to my un doubtful self, but right now i feel like im not getting anywhere specifically with this chick and its effecting how i act and ultimately pushing her farther away, its an attack and im just spending my time in the word! in faith u cannot doubt! or u wont walk on the water, u'll sink like peter did, but other then today i've got the joy of the Lord and know i need more of it and His peace, the bottom line is when we started this whole thing i was broken and not ready but now not much is wrong other then this and just my normal walk with God, i have become such a new person through this i have no fear, i am the person on the floor in worship, i'll dance, i dont care! i've realized with a real real revelation that nothing else matters! there is nothing else in this life more important! and i want more! i cant get enough, and i know i dont need her to be happy but she is the cherry on top i want to give her everything i have , i want to show her a love like she has never seen, that would make me sooooo incredibly happy, and wow i think God might have just fixed me again haha, patience is key and so is absolute faith and trust in God, He is doin somethin so crazy in the both of us, and i know its not all for nothin, no doubts,i dont know whats next and i could say so much more, about everything especially about my life change and how i just cant leave the presence of God, and of how much i wanna share this all with her, and the funny thing is i am hahaha because God is good lol i pray that God would give me visions and dreams 2 just about anything i just wanna get closer and closer, and i wanna be so in tune with what he is doin, i know he is always moving and i want to be in that! im thirsty and hungry! and its so funny i spend so much time seekin and thinkin and then i go to church and the pastors put it all into words for me! thanksgiving in everything is so important even in trials! i should be thankful for every test! even when it hurts so bad God is using it and i should be joyful for His ultimate plan! and i thank u God for all of this cause i wouldnt even be close to where i am right now! ohhh man i can only ask that He will deliver me this most perfectly amazing girls pure heart, because i dont deserve it but its so rare and i need it in my life, please God in Jesus name amen. its God very nature to give, if u only ask! my intentions are only to glorify u God in and with ever aspect of my life im meditating on philippians 4 right now, what a year God has just stirred me up to this point all year, and im at the pinacle right now, i've just gotta get past this and keep going! cause im not satisfied in this right now there is always more to God, i dont wanna settle for less, for just this life, there is so much more in God! there is more for me! and for all who want it! its endless pleasures for all who just seek and ask! peace and love

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